Mom stereotypes

I'm procrastinating again. Should be finishing up a Fengshui report for a client. But writing here instead. This is much better....

Found this quote today on my favourite blog:

"I am not and never will be defined by motherhood, but I will wholeheartedly admit that motherhood has inspired and enabled me to define myself."

I've always had a problem with the 'mom' stereotype. 'Soccer mom', 'minivan', 'mombum', 'mom hair' - I even wince at 'Mommy' - it's my cryptonite. A girlfriend of mine, while I was still pregnant and picking out purses to match my new baby's outfits, called me the 'Antimom', which I kind of liked.

The idea of being a mom, I guess in a way felt like I was settling, like I was expected to give up everything that meant anything to me so I could become this sitcom mom - who would bake homemade cookies, organize my photo albums and throw a fabulous birthday party** while still keeping the house clean and the husband happy. I guess I felt like I would have to redefine myself because of my child. In essence, losing everything that I had taken so long to discover!

Like would I have to stay home on Saturday nights? Drink near beer and order in pizza? Hang out with other mom's and complain about how tired I am? How Lily just won't eat her vegetables and my latest fight with Jason? Would I find endless joy in talking about my daughter's latest ballet recital to anyone who would listen? Would I start saying 'darnit' instead of 'mother f*cker'? Would I feel the urge to take a scrapbooking class, and decoupage my daughter's lunch box? Gain the 'freshmom'*** 15. Shop at Northern Reflections, Rockport? Would I suddenly feel adverse to words like 'spontaneous', 'interesting' and 'adventure'? Would a Hawaiian vacation be considered the new 'Third world country backpacking trek? Would I have to give up my career?

After Lily was born, I was surprised to *quickly* find out that I didn't want to lose myself.

I drink wine with dinner, the house is messy and fights with Jason are brief and very private. Luckily, I'm still totally inappropriate and crude. Lily is completely comfortable with camping and 'sleepovers' and mam and paps friend's houses.

Shhhhh! The baby's sleeping!

She was even out in the field with me starting at two months. And whenever it's a clear night, and I can see the stars, the only place I want to be at that moment is out digging, in the middle of some snake infested semi-desert in Colorado.

But what Lily has brought to me is clarity. Clarity for who I love. Who I want to spend time with. And clarity of what type of life I want to lead. In her short one year, she's taught me that I don't need to define myself as a mom, or a wife, or a daughter, cousin, aunt, grandaughter, or a friend. Or even an archaeologist. Because what Jason and I are to her without all these roles and expectations is perfect and pure in her eyes.

Floor party

So with my trowel in one pocket, a bottle in the other, and her on my hip, we trudge off into the dusty sunset - on a new adventure not quite as clearly defined...

L

**Lily's 1st birthday on January 27th went well. 45 people, 12 kids, 9 of which under 5 and a beaming Lily, toddling endlessly around the party, with her belly in the lead. Food cemented in her hair and jacked-up on her first piece of cake saying 'hi' and 'wow' to anyone who caught her eye. Will update with pictures shortly.

*** I just made that up - damn I'm clever.