Dis...Con..Nected

I'm in this odd place in life right now where I feel disconnected with everything and everyone - not quite in the groove with anything. Like I'm that person at the back of an aerobics class who's doing every move offbeat and opposite to everyone else*

It's not necessarily negative - I just don't feel in the groove with anyone. I rarely spend any time alone with Jason, I'm not with Lily every second of the day anymore because of work, and yet not really at work enough to be in tune with the nuances of everyday at the office. And things/ events are happening with friends and family and I'm the last to know.

It just feels like everything is spinning around me and I'm just waiting to try to jump on. It just never feels like the right time.

My grandpa passed away on Tuesday, while I was on a business trip in Kelowna. I have yet to tell my close friends, my boss. I haven't even cried.

But I adored my Grandpa and will miss him so much. I'll miss his bee-parts honey, and his velcro shoes. I'll miss him calling me Pete and his jokes he read about in the Reader's Digest. I'll even miss how he used to drive 40 in an 80 zone, swearing at everyone who whipped by him.

So really, maybe its me who's spinning. Spinning so fast that no one or no emotion is able to get on.

Gawd - get me off of this ride called life.... ;)

L

*An actual even at my last Kickboxing class